Monthly Archives

October 2016

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“Enough with the pregnancy questions, please.”

October 26, 2016

This may come off as a personal PSA letter, but really more like me venting.

Reaching my 30’s has been an amazing blessing and nothing shy of anything less. BUT, since reaching this age-milestone I’ve been tormented and interrogated frequently with the question, “when are you going to have a baby?”

As my identical twin sister is slowly approaching mothering her 3rd child, the questions regarding my fertility begins to heighten. I have lost count of how many times per day my husband and I are interrogated about having children. I’ve even lost desire to attend dinner dates or large groups in simple avoidance of this question that by some means has become bothersome to us. I mean, we are just uncomfortable being placed in an awkward position to feel pressured to answer a question we really would like to remain private.

We really…really enjoy each other and the way things are. We can assume it may sound selfish for certain people, but 3yrs into a marriage is still very gentle, and the enjoyment of just-the-two-of us is pretty darn awesome.

But my effort here is more-so to challenge women on why we rush, demand, or expect each other to jump into one milestone to the next, as if there is a standard manual to marriage and post-marriage. We obviously carry unmet goals and dreams that have yet to be fulfilled, but why don’t we question one another of these aspirations? Why do we demand each other to suit-up (woman-up) for the roles and the expectancy that society, tradition, and culture has deemed so-called righteous, dignified, or by–the-book?

Since I’ve been married I have yet to meet any woman who is married with/o children ask me “how are you?” These 3 words mean the world. These three words override … “When you’re going to have a baby, or when you’re going to get married?” Why doesn’t checking with one another take precedence anymore?

In this life many of us will birth many things. Some will birth physically (children) others will birth their life-time goals that are either educational, career oriented, or entrepreneurial. Why aren’t these “births” questioned or prioritized in the center of conversation amongst women?

These “births” are personal and each has its value and priority for each woman. These “births” require support like anything else, right? We shouldn’t measure or value one’s sense of worth over the other, right? Supporting women in areas that are male dominated, challenging, or screams advancement is necessary during these times as we begin to surface our 30’s. We know those women who feel highly accomplished with bringing life into this world, but let’s also have some reverence for those who’ve achieved significant goals in their lives aside from bringing forth life.

On a serious note, we don’t have a clue who’s battling infertility issues, marital discord, or overcoming miscarriages along with significant unforeseen health concerns. So why do you think someone will volunteer sharing such an intimate part of their lives to you? Ladies, let’s not be so callous and/or inconsiderate with the “baby” question.  I don’t understand why women today are not cognizant enough to withhold the urge to ask another woman of their baby plans.  One day you may ask a woman who has been tirelessly struggling with this area in her life, and your question may be the trigger and tipping point of her anguish to conceiving.

Recently I’ve been overstretched to answer my baby plans, to the point I’ve felt offended. I never knew that I would be so emotional about this. I examined deeper as to why certain individuals are more inquisitive or just plain NOSY with this life changing decision.  While this particular person persisted with the baby questions I repeatedly responded, “It’s all in God’s timing,” but in turn she continued and decided to “speak” over my life in terms of conceiving; but I never gave her the permission to do so. She has never spoken anything over my life nor supported any of my other milestones whatsoever, but insisted in inviting herself in this facet of my life. I’m unfamiliar with the root of her intentions or anyone’s true intentions as to why they want me to become with-child so desperately. I mean these people never wished anything else for my life. It’s a curiosity that screams spite; but I can’t really frame into words what it feels like, but it feels far from sincere at this point. In closure, this is not a jab at any loved ones or friends, but an extended written request to reduce the stress caused by the endless questioning.

Now to help my girls attack the next most visited question- “When are you going to get married?”

Featured, New Post!

“Cut out the NOISE!”

October 4, 2016
Written by, Judith Rapley

I just saw the movie ‘Race’. Without giving the whole movie away, spoiler alert for some of you, there was a powerful scene halfway through the movie when the runner, Jesse Owen, his coach and his track team are rudely being pushed out of the locker room by another one of the school’s teams and their verbally aggressive coach. That coach begins to yell and make a lot of noise which was quite overwhelming, intimidating, and distracting to Jesse.

His track coach continued to speak and instruct the team calmly and in a matter of fact way, directly and steadfastly drowns out that noise. All while the other coach continued to make a lot of noise over him, the track coach right through this continues to instruct his team. After a while, the noise dissipated. Once this noise ended, both teams got the point at which time the track team and their coach left.

Cut to another scene a few minutes later, where now Jesse and his team are in Berlin receiving an overwhelming amount of noise, as a crowd of on-lookers cheer for Jesse Owen and his team, even before they had won the medals they would by the end of the Olympic games. Different scene, different noise but noise nonetheless.

I invite you to consider a few things I took away from my reflections on these scenes:

1. There will always be noise.

2. Learn to ignore the noise.

3. People will make as much noise against you as they will for you. Neither their auditory noise against you or for you, or visually rewarding ones like their likes or comments on today’s social media platforms, make or define you.

4. Listen to your own voice. Learn to know and listen clearly for your own voice even in the middle of the noise.

5.  Make sure what God says about you makes the loudest noise. Drown other noises out by filling your mind, your heart, your soul, your life with Scripture, the truth and affirmations even if you don’t always feel that way or the rest of the world says differently.

Reflective assignment for you to consider:

1. Think, where is most of my noise coming from? My inner self, social media, family, old scripts and messages going on in my head, circumstances of life around me?

2. Which one do I most need to drown out or shut off? Once you identify it, shut it down! Cut out or silence that ‘stinking thinking’ whether coming from without or within.

3. In what area do I need to most affirm myself? What is good about me? Start listing your strengths! Keep that list to remind you in those noisier negative times.

4. Where can I immediately find new, uplifting, positive messages to drown out that negative noise? Scripture? Supportive friends? Past accomplishments? Go for it! Be intentional in matching that ‘other noise’.

You are not who people say you are- neither all that good or all that bad. You are who God says you are. Cut out the noise!

Let me know by commenting below or contacting me directly about what this change is like for you. If there is some way I can support you or interests that are important to you, please let me know. Sign up immediately here so that we can prepare satisfactorily for you.

All the best to you in Your Transformation for Life!

Be well,

Judith Rapley,  Life & Business Coach